


Read Between the Lines

by Writeofyourlife



Category: Joniss - Fandom, The Hunger Games, catching fire - Fandom, mockingjay - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-26
Updated: 2014-09-26
Packaged: 2018-02-18 20:59:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writeofyourlife/pseuds/Writeofyourlife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Katniss Everdeen's eye was on one of the other victors? Maybe it's not Peeta Mallark the baker boy who lights her fire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wedding Dress

It's almost time for me to go on, It won't be as easy this year as it was last. I'm a victor now, no not just a victor, I'm a symbol for the people. One wrong move and I could lose everything, I know snow will be watching my every move. His words echo in my head "No Katniss, make me believe." I have to be careful how I choose my words this year, one wrong step and not even Cesar Flickerman with his silver tongue can save me. “There’s my girl on fire!” I turn to see Cenna approach me, in his hands the dress that was supposed to be for mine and Peeta’s wedding. The wedding that will now never happen, a part of me can’t help but think that the games may have saved Peeta somehow. If her were forced to marry me he’d never be happy, knowing it wasn’t my choice, He wasn’t my choice. Maybe this way, if I can get him home safely, he stands a chance at leading a normal life.

“My wedding dress, are you serious?” I say. “Snow’s orders.”  Just another move in his game, give the people what they want. I know that I’m going to have to really play on this if I want to keep Peeta and my family safe. The dress is a little heavier than I remembered from the photo shoot. Cinna pulls me into the dress and gets to work on finishing touches and making sure I’m all tied in securely. “It may be a little heavier than you remember, I made some few adjustments to it to suit you, just something I’ve been working on.” Cinna explain. “Am I twirling this evening?” I look myself up and down in one of the wall length mirrors back stage, It doesn’t look like me staring back… It isn’t me. “You are twirling but save it till the end.” Cinna gives me a gentle kiss on the hand and smiles at me, the smile looks more like pity for my situation more than sincere happiness but I ignore this and get ready to go on stage. “Good Luck, remember I’m still betting on my girl on fire.” Cinna leaves.

I know it’s nearly time as one of the contestants before me exits the stage, I can’t see them yet but whoever it was they must have said something outrageous as all I can hear are the disapproving moans and boos from the capital audience.  It’s at this point a very angry district 7 Johanna Mason appears from the stage exit, “Really a wedding dress? It’s white though which makes sense” Johanna laughs and smirks at me. “It was snows idea.” I reply in a dull tone.

She just scoffs and shoots me a glance through narrowed eyes and smirking lips, "He agrees then". The actions of Johanna Mason are something that will never cease to infuriate me. The way she just stands there pulling at the stupid costume of a gown she's been clad in with a distasteful sneer, the way she has to just tease around everything. "And what's that supposed to mean". I haven't realised i've said anything until she looks up at me from where she's been picking at the embroidery on her cuff, a brow arched at me like i'm some stupid kid. But really, in comparison to them, i am. And i hate it. I can feel my features flatten but can't shake the confusion in my eyes and i only hope she doesn't pity me for it. "Come on, brainless. All white, n'virginal, n'pure" she pouts at me with her painted lips and her head tilted to one side. My gut fires but i can't tell if it's from embarrassment or sheer fury. I'd be lying if i didn't say both, but i don't know which one is winning though i feel like im receding into myself already. Johanna lets out a haughty laugh, "Wow" she says with an agonising sarcasm, "You really are innocent aren't you?"

I can feel the fury rising up inside of me. I have this hatred for my innocence but what can I do about it? There’s nothing I can do about it now, Gales back in district 12 and Peeta and I are heading for the games, live on television doesn’t seem like the right time to be worrying about experimenting with my innocence. Even if it were… Peeta… I’ve only ever felt a spark with Peeta once, In the cave but he pushed me away because of the cut on my head, and I’m not even sure if that was “a spark” then. At least not that kind of spark. Not that I have anything to compare it to as everyone so kindly keeps pointing out. My stance seems to have shifted somewhat now from an aggressive pose to a more defensive slump. My eyes directed at the floor while my hands hang by my sides defeated. Johanna must of picked up on this as she seems to back down a little. “Look brainless, no ones judging you for it. It’s just funny…” I look up expecting to be greeted with the same old bravado that Johanna put’s across but instead I look up to find a soft smile on her face and sincere eyes looking on me.  The feeling inside me now is not one I’m familiar with. I have no Idea what it is but there’s something about the way Johanna’s looking at me, I feel glued to the spoke stuck in Johanna’s gaze. Like a deer in the headlights. This feels like the moment just before I make a kill when I go out hunting in the woods. I set my eyes on a target and for a split second it’s eyes connect with mine and in that moment time stands still for what seems like forever even though it is just a moment. The moment before I let my arrows fly. It’s for this reason I feel uneasy, and I decide not to trust whatever this feeling is because this time i'm not the one about to make the kill.

 I feel vulnerable and i don't like it. Being victimised by Johanna was something i wasn't...expecting. But it was certainly on the cards. But this, this apparent sincerity catches me off guard. Grazes a soft part of me in a way i don't trust. I pull back my shoulders, try to lift my chin. I am the girl on fire. And i am above the pity of Johanna Mason. "I don't find it funny" i force out in a voice that is trying to sound stronger than it is. If i didn't look like a moody kid then, i certainly do now. She picks up my my attempt at some bravado and offers her own, though the sincerity doesn't drop from her eyes and the softly knitted brow that frames them. But it does harden into something more of an offense. "See, this is why you're screwed, brainless" she takes delight in accentuating every possible aspect of my new nickname on her tongue. "Well, actually, it's exactly why you're not" and that sour smirk pulls at her lips again which only sends my features into an irritated frown and my fingers itching to bunch into fists for some sort of outlet. "You just stand there in your pretty dresses, twirl when they want you to and smile like a little princess when they ask. You're not a little kid but you let them treat you like it." There's a pang of benevolence and concern in her last words. Like she actually cares how i'm treated by the rest of them. Which i doubt seen as it's mainly her who gives me trouble in the first place. It doesn't mix well. I can't trust it, won't trust it. And yet somehow it gives me ease. Settles a part of me that can nestle softly amongst the rest of the flames that rage; like a safe clearing in a forest fire, comforting and calm.

“Why do you even care how they make me act!” I’m not even sure how that sentence came out, I didn’t even think before I spoke, It definitely wasn’t calm or nice nor was it completely aggressive. I worry it may have come out as a desperate whimper and I’m not even sure why. I can’t focus on anything I’m saying or doing. I’m fixated on the expression in her eyes. There’s something in them… it’s not pity or anger or hate. I don’t know what it is but I’m mesmerised. “I don’t care brainless, I’m just messing with you.” My eyes move slowly down from Johanna’s eyes to her lips as the slip back into a smirk. I think she notices this as it grows even larger. I feel my cheeks grow hot as I start blush, I do my best to turn away and look as if I’m engrossed in something other than Johanna Mason’s face. Even though my back is now turned I can feel Johanna moving closer to me, she’s not running but she’s moving at a fast pace. I have no time to get out of the way and there really is nowhere to go. I’m stuck exactly where I am and she’s nearly reached me. “Brainless?” I have a split second to think about reply when Johanna’s hand touches mine. She turns me around and pushes me until my back is against the wall.

And with that I’m stuck again. Katniss Everdeen the girl on fire, the girl who beat the games  and there’s nothing I can do to make myself push her away. I have no idea what’s going on or what she’s going to do. I feel scared and venerable but it’s a rush. Like I’ve never felt before.  Johanna doesn’t move she just looks me up and down slowly examining me, examining my actions and expressions, trying to figure me out. I can barely breath… Johanna leans in until she’s just a few centimetres away from my lips and she just looks at me, hovering there, staring softly and powerfully all at the same time into my eyes. There’s a part in me somewhere, in the pit of my stomach I think, that want’s to lean in and bridge the gap she has left. Then I hear it. “Ladies and Gentlemen Welcome Katniss Everdeen to the stage!” Cesar Flickerman is calling me to the stage. Johanna backs away allowing me to move away from the wall and laughs uncontrollably. “Catch you later brainless.” She turns and waves with a cocky manner and walks away. I try to collect myself and heads to the stage.


	2. 'Nuts and Volts'

The damp suit clings to my skin with a scratching mixture of water, sweat and sand as i'm sat on the edge of the beach just on the treeline. I find my eyes snapping methodically between the sections of the arena; the ones we don't yet know the contents of, the monkeys, the mist, the lighting tree, the wave, the blood rain. As the sickly image of hot, thick red blood falling from the sky chokes my mind i find my gaze wandering over to the woman muttering profanities and dragging herself up out of the water for what must be the third time. Apparently the blood isn't easy to clean off. Her face pulled into an expression that threatens me not to tamper with it, and as much as i want to quietly abide by that for the sake of my own welfare, for whatever reason that drives me to my feet I don't. I amble hesitantly across the sand to where she's dropped onto the ground where it mingles with the leaves and vines of the jungle behind her, the dewy light glinting off her wet hair as she picks at the crusted pieces of dried blood in it. "What" she spits across the humid air at me and i don't think i can say i take pleasure in hearing her familiarly irritated tones, but in a way it is a relief. She's holding up. The games haven't gotten to her yet. Though i'm doubting if they ever could. I'm trying to think of a way to say it without sounding patronizing or without over-stretching the hand of friendship toward her, i know it can be just as easily rebuffed as it can accepted. And it becomes apparent it's taking too long for the words to form in my mouth as her arms slack to rest on her knees as she cocks her head impatiently at me with pursed lips. "...Just wanted to say thanks really". I'm expecting sarcasm. Insult. A dismissive wave of her hand to bid me away. Not confusion.  
  
 Her brows furrow a moment as she looks on at me with inquisitive eyes, "...Oh, right, nuts and volts" she nods her head with a glance towards the two as they clean themselves off at the waters edge. "I'd like to say 'no problem, brainless' but they're more trouble than their worth". I find myself following her gaze to watch the two for a moment. They're still the most observant victors i've met so far, and if the way they talked in training is anything to go by, they're going to be valuable. Clearly I know something she doesn't. And i find myself enjoying that fact. A smile curving onto my lips as i absently watch them, Johanna seems to think this is a show of affection towards them and lets out a thick scoff. My head snaps back to her and where she sits in the sand shaking her head, "Brainless" it's more of a statement than an address. I still don't like it. But i still have something over her; i know how useful they're going to be, and the fact she has a particular disdain for them makes it sit even better that she can be proved wrong. "You got them for me, didn't you? So, thank you...." I flash her a squinty eyed smile as the sun shine into my eyes. “Is there something wrong with your face? You look as crazy as Nuts and Volts over there.” Johanna jokes. The smile drops off of my face immediately, “You shouldn’t make fun of them like that you know, there much smarter than both of us put together, there valuable.” I’m stern with her now, “Now is not the time for joking.” Johanna’s face drops as she just stares right at me again. “Then when is the time to joke brainless? Only one of us can walk out of here, do you really want to spend your last days taking it so seriously at all times?”

I have to admit that she has a point, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be taking it seriously because obviously I have to try and keep Peeta and my family alive from in here but that doesn’t mean I can’t smile either… I pause for a moment to just sit, Johanna remains staring at me waiting for a response. I turn my head and look right back at her, only a shoulders width apart. “Good point. That means you can stop pulling that moody pouty face at me now.” I laugh, and for a split second I feel like I see Johanna’s walls come down a little as she laughs with me. “I didn’t know you had it in you brainless. To make a joke I mean.” She smiles at me one more time and then the walls comes back up, Johanna turns away to pick the last few remaining red flecks from her wetsuit, turns to check on the group behind us and then goes back over to Finnick.

                                     --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Love is weird". Her face is remarkably settled as she says it, the silver glow of artificial moonlight highlighting the somber expression on her face as she talks. I can't help but glance toward the sleeping Finnick in the brush just away from us and quietly contemplate his Annie. But i don't let my mind stray for long. I'm only sat up at this unholy hour for one reason. To make sure she doesn't damn well kill us all in our sleep. Well, Peeta and I at least. This is a game and there are rules, and I have my own, the first being not to trust anyone who isn't Peeta. Johanna falls into that bracket. There's a part of me that warms to her, despite the sarcastic jibes and fickle comments, there've been moments of genuineness from her that are as comforting as they are surprising. And i want to trust her. I just can't afford to do that right now.   
  
I figure it's as good a use of the time as any, to talk. I shift on the rock i've found myself seated on, my hand balancing me on the mossy surface as i try and bring my legs up to my chest and sit a little more comfortably. Johanna stands just away from me, her hand held over her axe as it rests on the rock she leans against. "...Did you not have anyone? Before?..." I'm not sure why i ask it. Probably because of the subject of Finnick's love for Annie Cresta. I find myself wondering if Johanna could. Love, i mean. Not like she's some heartless woman with a heart of stone, no. Never that. But there's her obvious hostility and penchant for cynicism that might understandably make her a little more difficult to be with. In spite of it though i seem to have seen her softer sides; the small smiles and laughs that don't throw themselves like a barrage from a wall of defense as they leave her lungs, but rather light like carried on the wings of a bird, beating honestly through the air. She just looks at me, blunt but as curious as i am as to why i'm asking. And i suppose that's just it, I'm curious. It feels strange. Unchartered territory that i somehow feel i'm forbidden from exploring. "...You know, like, a boyfriend...or girlfriend..." Johanna's sexuality is more confusing than my feelings for Peeta. But she's been acquainted with the Capitol and their ways for long enough, and it's common knowledge that nothing it guilty or off-limits there. It feels appropriate to at least give her the option.   
  
She gives me a moment once i've said it, a small pause hanging in the thick air, then lets out a laugh no doubt restrained purely to let the others sleep. "...Get a load of you being open minded" but the look she gives me doesn't quite match the sarcasm in her tone; it's there alright, but the curiosity doesn't fade completely from her eyes as far as i can see in the dim light. "...Well, yeah, course there was. Before. Not anymore though." I find myself shuffling along my rock a little closer to her, eyes holding on her face as her dull expression drops to the ground while her finger picks at her thumb. "...But like i said. Nobody left now. Cause people screw you over, either that or they get screwed over by the rest of them" there's a genuine pang of  pain in her voice that i pretend not to notice. It's buried and buried well, but there. "You wouldn't get it kid. You got lover boy over there." and i can't deny it. Not on national television. Not when the nation believes i'm married to him and carrying his child. So i can only nod begrudgingly and i can almost hear Haymitch's voice in my head urging me on, "Yeah...I don't know we'd do without each other..." my voice is quiet and i don't feel like i did a good enough job of masking my own uncertainty. Johanna certainly doesn't do a good one of hiding her spite. "Well, one of you's gonna have to find out."


	3. Spinning

Much to everyone’s surprise even in her shock state Wiress was still one of the smartest in our alliance. After several hours of “Tick Tock, Tick Tock” We finally caught on that she wasn’t just being, how Johanna would say “Nuts.” The arena was a clock. This revelation had lead us to venture out to examine the cornucopia and thus had then lead to the horrible spinning I was now caught up in. All I can see is the blur of the jungle as it spins past at high speed. I can feel the forces tugging me from the spot I was desperately trying to remain rooted to, pulling me closer to the water’s edge.

Salt spray kicks up from the water that swirls violently around the edges of the island, the sound of scuffled feet and clawing bodies is overwhelmed by the rush of water that swallows my hearing as I dig my nails into the sand in vain. I can just about make out the dark forms of the others beyond the whirling cornucopia before me, trying to hold on with just as much vigour as I am.

My grip on the loose sand won’t hold me much longer, I can feel myself slipping, gradually bringing me closer and closer to my almost inevitable death. A few more seconds and I know I will be unable to hold on any longer the force now overpowering.  Trying to maintain sight of any of the others is now virtually impossible but I can still hear their shouts of fear and desperation to hold on. I can hear one voice louder than the others, perhaps there the nearest to me? The sound seems to be coming from my left side, the grunts of one Johanna Mason. I can’t fully make out what she’s trying to say but I think they are words… Or at least there supposed to be.

  
I try once more for a more secure purchase but it’s no use on the sand, I feel myself fall and I’m sure this is it. As I feel myself being pulled further to the water’s edge my hands skim over the surface of the sand, praying that they catch on something more solid that the feeble grains beneath me. Then as I’m sure I’m about to lose any sort of grasp and plummet into the water below, I feel fingers slide beneath my hand and intertwine with mine. “Hold on!” Johanna! Johanna has somehow made it from the spot to the left, to right in front of me. Johanna was risking her own safety to keep me alive. The same Johanna who had just earlier today threatened to rip my throat out was now the only thing keeping me planted and therefor alive for a little longer. My chin wrenches up out of the shifting earth, eyes locking onto my only safety. Sure enough Johanna lies there sprawled across the golden surface, clinging on for dear life just like the rest of us; looks like she’s not invincible after all. Her other hand is wrapped tightly around the handle of her axe that digs into the ground, hooked over a rock, it’s stability isn’t convincing me. Her teeth clench as I feel a vague tug on my arm and it seems she’s trying to drag me further back toward the epicentre of the spinning. I try and haul my body up from her hand as much as I can but with every shift that brings my form closer to her the forces whirling us work to prise me away.

The grip that Johanna had seems to be slipping, although her grip onto me and the axe were not, it appears as if the rock can’t hold both of us. “Let me go!” I shout up at her, I was not a fan of Johanna but killing her while she’s trying to save my life doesn’t sit right with me. I can vaguely make out the twisted look of anger on Johanna’s face through the sand swirling around us. “I’m not letting go brainless!” she shouts back. “If you don’t were both going in.” I don’t understand Johanna’s reluctance to release me. The support of the rock won’t hold out much longer if she doesn’t. But before long it seems it’s out of both our control. The strain of my fingers coiled around hers proves to be unsustainable, they unfurl with a desperate “No!” howled from Johanna as I fall away from her and into a harsh wave that crashes against my body, dragging me under.

I’m swallowed by the water, enveloped by the waves that roar around me and throw me between them like I’m a lifeless ragdoll. I may as well be; my efforts are useless as the world turns to a haze of blue that tosses itself between light and dark, and no matter what I can’t navigate where the surface of the water is supposed to be in this spin. The air held in my lungs stagnates and burns the longer I’m held under, and no amount of thrashing limbs is going to help me. With another belt of water knocked into my despairing ribs the air is ripped from my lungs and I’m certain this is it. My head still pounds and vision blurs, my hands claw desperately in whatever direction I find myself spinning, hoping it’s toward the surface. But the world seems to have slowed, the thrash of waves appears to soften, the glimmer of light over the water becomes more solid and I have just enough breath left to push towards it. The water breaks, gasping and coughing I try to full my lungs with fresh air, spluttering to try to flush out all remains of seawater. 

After a few seconds I think I have regained the concept of direction and try to haul myself towards one of the arms sprouting from the centre island. I feel for the edge of the rocky surface knowing I’m close.  Reaching out in the hopes my hand connects this time I feel fingers intertwine with mine once more. I look up expecting to see Peeta’s face as I’m pulled out of the water, instead I see Johanna looking down on me. Her eyes soft but her face pulled into the same old smirk. “I thought I told you to hold on?” she laughs softly as she kneels down, patting my back as I cough up the last few mouthfuls of water. Johanna helps lift me back on to my feet, checking that I’m okay, “Are you sure you’re alright?” The genuine concern in Johanna’s voice comes as a surprise to me. Unsure how to react or respond I only manage a simple “Yes, thank you.”


	4. The Wire

Johanna and I have been walking for a little while, my guess is it’s safe to say were out of earshot by now, Johanna has spent the time silently and meticulously laying out the wire. I’ve spent the time not talking and trying to calculate Johanna’s actions from earlier today by the cornucopia, despite the fact I was supposed to be keeping watch. Either way you look at it we’ve spent the last half hour in total silence. I’ve pretty much accepted that we’re going to spend the duration of this task in perpetual silence before Johanna’s voice cracks through the dark quiet, “Better hurry. I want to put a lot of distance between me and that water before the lightening hits. Just in case Volts miscalculated something” my eyes hang on her as she says it, I still don’t approve of the nickname she’s given our allies, especially considering all the help they’ve proved to be to us, she has to at least admit if it wasn’t for Beetee’s plan we wouldn’t survive the careers. “I’ll take the coil for a while.” I say, stepping carefully over the shadowed ground toward her, a hand outstretched to the wire. She only offers me a small scowl before shifting herself; only one thought seems to cross my mind in that second. And for once it’s not of mine or Peeta’s survival. It’s of all of us. What’s next? After we manage to fry the careers it’s going to be down to the remainder of us. No doubt Finnick and Johanna will pair off. Beetee will go before anyone else, and probably at their hand. I don’t think I’d have the heart to do it myself. Johanna though, if anyone’s going to make it to the final three it’s going to be her. Even if I make it that far, I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to kill her to save Peeta. Not the least because she’s far more skilled, but because there is something unspoken between Johanna and I.

I’m starting to get the impression neither one will kill the other unless one tries first. There are also questions I don’t want to leave unanswered, in the arena is no time to talk about it why she tried to save me or what happened the night of our interviews with Ceasar Flickerman, If she dies she dies but I don’t want to be the person to trap the answers I so desperately need behind her lips forever. Reluctantly Johanna holds out the wire, unwillingly letting me take possession of it, I reach to take the wire from her. Our hands accidently meet somewhere in the middle, both still holding onto the wire but both now holding it a little half-heartedly, I don’t know about Johanna but judging by the look on her face I would say that we are now both more preoccupied by the electric running through us. Not electric from the wire but from each other; we pause for a second, neither of us not knowing whether to move or not. That’s when we feel the wire go tight and then **S n a p !** It’s no longer carefully laid out behind us, instead it now coils in piles at our feet.

The next thing I know the coil of wire is crashing against my skull. I hit the floor before I’m fully aware of what’s happened; Johanna has clubbed me over the head with it, my temple stings something awful as I find myself on my back, my vision just beginning to phase as I see two women before me throwing the coil to one side and dropping to the ground. The shadowy movements in front of me are all I can see, but the pressure on my chest as she plants herself there, pinning my shoulders with her knees. I can’t even twist my head as I lie there helplessly, blazing eyes glaring down at me with a determination that’s altogether frightening. Sounds buzz back into focus; feet stumbling through the brush and the not so distant call of Brutus’s voice just away from us.

Surely we could have just ran? Why has she tried to knock me out and is now sat on my chest like she’s trying to suffocate me? My lips move to try and form some words but they only come out as begrudging groans before her hand snaps over my mouth. There’s a sharp sting in my arm that throws pained moans against her palm; I figure she’s stabbed me with her knife, there’s an excruciating ripping sensation and warmth runs down my wrist, filling my palm. With another hiss she’s smearing blood over the side of my face and neck, “Stay down”. The footsteps appear to be coming closer but for the pulse that rages in my ears I can hardly tell, I can’t even turn my head towards the muffled sound. Though I can feel Johanna’s pulse quicken in her wrist as it leans lightly against my chin from where her hand still rests on my neck. Johanna quickly leans forward “Stay down.” She repeats, this time whispered softly into my ear and her weight lifts from my body and I’m alone. 


	5. Bunk Together

**_R_** olling over in my bed to face Johanna sends a sharp pain through my ribs, where they have not quite recovered yet, despite the injections they administered to mend the bruising a week before. A short intake of air hisses through my teeth stirring Johanna from her already restless sleep. It’s dark but from the way the sheet moves as her body turns over beneath it I can only assume she is now facing me. “Could you die a little more quietly over there brainless?” I can’t see whether she is wearing her trademark smirk so it’s hard to tell whether she’s being serious or not. Unable to grasp the tone of the situation I decide “I’m sorry” Will suffice.

“Eh, it’s not like I was sleeping anyway” she says as she throws the covers off and swings her legs over the side of the bed. I feel obliged to do the same but before I can decide whether to or not Johanna plants herself at the end of my bed. “Seeing as you’re up you may as well entertain me, brainless” Now that she’s closer I can see that apathetic quirk of her brow as she looks back at me, but there’s something not quite as superior about the way her bottom lip dips under her teeth with a small, shadowed dimple in her skin. “Well if you think I’m giving you dinner and a show you can get back into bed” I feel a faint smirk curve across my lips as I sit up, wrapping my arms around my legs as I pull them close to my chest.

 ** _T_** here are a few moments of silence between us. There isn’t exactly a lot to talk about. But she doesn’t leave the end of my bed, instead brings her legs up and crosses them as we sit in the dark. I guess she doesn’t want to go back to sleep, and I think I can take a pretty good guess as to why. I don’t push her to, instead I say the first thing that comes to mind in the way of conversation; “How long have you been awake?” I feel Johanna as she stiffens at the end of the bed.

“A while” her response is distant and I can only assume she’s been awake on and off for the same reason as I am most nights. Understanding the need to close off those parts of your mind from others I decide not to push Johanna for any further explanations. “So how do you feel about lover boy trying to kill you?” I can feel Johanna muscles lax as her head cocks at me with the shadows of that famously benign yet imposing expression on her face at the inevitable discomfort she knows this question will bring. Though she doesn’t seem to care, “How do you think I feel about it?” I almost spit my answer at Johanna, it was not meant to be a kind reply.

“I don’t know brainless that’s why I’m asking, it’s hard to keep up on your feelings towards the baker boy when most of them are for the cameras” Johanna’s voice is defensive and lacks the usual venom. Honestly I don’t know how to respond. For once I think Johanna Mason might have a point, how do I feel about Peeta trying to kill me? I’m hurt and I’m upset but is it because I love him and I feel betrayed or is it because I feel like Peeta sees the real me now and I hate him for it? Unable to think of a well-structured response I just about manage a feeble “It hurts”

 ** _J_** ohanna sits for a few moments in silence, just watching me as I try not to show my true feelings toward the whole situation, moving her head from one side to the other trying to figure me out. I’m trying not to get emotional, I hope that if this goes on any longer Johanna will get bored and return to her own bed. “I get it brainless” That’s all she says. Her features are flat but there’s a dim tone of understanding in her voice as she uncrosses her legs and swing them back to the floor. Then she’s gone, returned to her own bed. I’m once again left alone in the dark, but this time I’m grateful for it.


	6. Do they wash In District 7?

“I’m going for a shower will you be alright for a minute?” I ask Johanna, making my way towards the door to the bathroom. “Yeah I’ll be fine” Johanna doesn’t turn to look at me as she answers, she remains fixed on her hands as she folds her thumbs over one another. She sits with her back pressed against the wall and a sullen expression on her face. She doesn’t meet my eyes as I ask her again, “Sure?” though I’m still moving toward the door, “I’m not a child, just go” Johanna spits back at me, but it’s not exactly out of the ordinary to hear her bitter, sarcastic tone, in fact it’s sort of reassuring to hear it again after the weeks of seeing her in such a lesser state. I’ve been more reluctant to leave her on her own after our drills. They had flooded the block for her exam to see how she would face up to her weakness… In the end it had turned out it would lead to her needed to be hospitalised again. She’s effectively been placed in my custody since she was released from the hospital and now she seems to be getting her cockiness back I deem it safe to leave for 5 minutes.

                                                     ---------------------------------------------------------------

As I walk back into the room I see that Johanna is no longer sat on her bed, I readjust my towel to make sure there is no risk of it falling down. My eyes scanning around our small district 13 room looking for Johanna I notice her curled up behind her bunk, head hung in between her knees, her body is hunched and tight as seems to be clutching something in her fists that are pressed up into her face. “Johanna?” I approach her slowly trying not to startle her, I don’t even know if she is aware I’m back in the room yet.

Eventually I manage to get myself into some sort of sitting position next to the tightly rocking Johanna. Now that I’m closer, as I look past her fists, I can see the bandaged bundle of pine needles I gave her in the hospital. I didn’t even realise she still had it, I assume that she finds the smell of home reassuring and don’t think anything of it.

I tentatively place a hand on Johanna’s shoulder, preparing myself for the flailing and swearing I might be met with, instead I feel Johanna’s muscles loosen. I hear a deep sniff as she inhales the smell of pine once more before removing the bundle from her nose and pulling her head back out from between her knees. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left you.” She turns her head to face me.

”It’s okay brainless you were starting to stink up the place anyway, you needed a shower” She laughs but her voice is still quiet and soft. “Coming from you Johanna? That’s rich” the words slip out before I have time to think them through, there’s a brief awkward silence between us, my muscles tense as I regret what I have just said. Johanna notices the change in atmosphere but just tries to reassure me, “It’s okay, I know I must smell bad, there’s just nothing you can do about it.” She smirks tilting her head to the side so she’s facing me, then re-adjusts and places her head on slightly on my shoulder. This is odd, Johanna is being nice and there is actual physical contact between the two of us.

“You know there is something we could try, to get you smelling a little better I mean” I have an idea but I’m unsure whether Johanna; stubborn, aggressive,  never lets anyone in, Johanna will even consider it. “Oh yeah? And what might that be?” her voice calm like she might actually listen to me.

“How about we ease you into the shower? Start off slow and see how far you get? I’ll help you” not my greatest choice of words ever but how do you try and talk an aggressive and antisocial person into doing something they don’t want to do? “You wan’t to take me into the shower?” she sounds more confused than anything else. Is that what I’m asking, I think it might be for the sake of my nose though and to help Johanna get passed this it’s odd seeing her so weak. It’s like seeing a wild animal in a cage.

“Do you wan’t me to come into the shower with you?” I ask. Johanna moves her head from my shoulder and scuffles along the floor until she’s completely in the corner, bringing her knees tighter into her chest. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have even suggested it, I just thought I’d offer the help” I get up from the floor and move to my bunk, looking around for clothes I can pull on. “Fine” her voice is flat and I can’t see her from where I’m stood, she’s pulled herself into such a small ball that she’s disappeared behind her bunk. “Fine?” I don’t actually know what she’s agreeing to.

“You can try and drag me to the shower. But you’re coming in with me” she doesn’t sound happy about it at all and that’s to be expected. I’m just shocked she agreed to go at all. “Okay well if you’re sure? Let’s go.” Johanna exceeds my expectations, I thought she would laugh me off and stay put on the floor instead she begrudgingly drags herself up on the side of her bunk, she doesn’t look at me the entire journey to the shower but she also doesn’t leave my side.  

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic, I hope you enjoy, there are quite a few more chapters to come. Feedback is really welcomed :)


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